I fucking hate factory work and my life

I hate my job. I really fucking hate my job. I really really fucking fucking hate my job. I have been doing it for about 2 years. It sucks. The only thing that doesn’t suck about it is the pay. And that’s why I still work there. 2 years ago I had a job that I liked better, but it didn’t pay nearly as much. I liked how in my previous job, as a delivery driver, that I was out and about. I had some freedom. A large open perimeter where I could more or less manage myself. My absolute favourite part of the job was that when I was finished my route of packages I could go home, and, still get paid the same amount. With this, I had something I could focus on, finishing my task as quickly as possible to gain my reward, going home.

At my factory job, it is the exact opposite. It’s a battle against time, against the unbeatable speed of the clock. It drives me crazy. I don’t like being out of control of myself. I’m anxious, frantic, unsettled, a little crazy. Pretty sure i have adhd. At this job I don’t even really have the option to work really hard and get ahead and relax. The machines run as fast as they run, and when one orders done, another comes. I have little control.

This is really bad for my anxiety. When I’m focused on something, my anxiety goes away. My brain doesn’t have time for anxiety. The task at hand takes up the vast majority of the bandwidth my brain. It’s when my brain wanders that I get anxiety. And my brain wanders the vast majority of the time at this job. It’s boring, and uncontrollable, what else is my brain going to do? Shut off? I can’t do that.

Although, I know some people can. Like most of the zombies that i work with. They are just content letting the clock go by in that…. place. I’m sure it bothers some of them, but I doubt it bothers many or any of them as much as it does me.

I swear this place is going to make me go crazy. Fuck man. But “ohhhh, but your making so much money, how could you quit now?” Is most of what I here about this subject. I definitely am an agreeable person. And this is the main reason I have continued feeling this way at this job for this long.

What I really want it to quit and travel. Go on a huge road trip. Maybe that sounds impulsive and immature, and shortsighted, but it’s what I want. I have more than enough money to go on a huge trip and still have tons of saving left when I get back. I am a saver. I have been my entire working life. And I am young, in my mid 20s. I want a fucking experience. I have little to live for right now.

And I fucking hate my life. And this is practically the only thing in the world that makes me genuinely excited. That makes me want to smile. I think I am going to do it. When? Soon. I could even quit tonight and leave tomorrow, with minimal consequences. I have been fantasizing about it. But I probably won’t. I wouldn’t mind saving a little more and leaving at a slightly better time. But we will see. I could do it right now. We will see how my shift tonight goes. It feels good to have control over something.

There is nothing wrong with getting high and playing video games. A rant about Tom Brady’s retirement

There is nothing wrong with getting high and playing video games. Absolutely nothing. As long as it’s done so in your free time and isn’t interfering with your basic responsibilities.

Hey. By the way Did you hear Tom Brady retired? That NFL quarterback. That guy who is really good at throwing balls. Known as the best ball thrower in the history of the NFL. Yeah that guy. He takes throwing balls very seriously. Trust me, I would know. I read his book. “The TB12 method”. It was a book about applying his methods to improve the health and function of your body. After reading said book it is clear he made many sacrifices to improve his ball throwing. He incorporates an insanely strict and meticulous diet and workout regimen that is probably unsustainable for 99% of the readers.

He is clearly obsessed with being the best ball thrower possible and wants his readers to also improve their ball throwing by applying his methods. Or does he? Well actually, now that I think of it, he certainly advertised his products a lot. His ridiculously priced foam rollers and health supplements are brought up constantly, clearly to the detriment of the quality of the book. The back of the book his filled with positive customer reviews for his TB12 products. Yep. Customer reviews. In a book. Absolutely ridiculous. Making it abundantly clear he could care less about helping any of his readers and just wants you to buy his shit. Increasing his already massive net worth. His net worth currently listed at 512 million by the way. And apparently that’s not enough. Shortly after his second retirement he has signed a TV deal with Fox. For many millions of dollars. The guy played 23 years in the NFL, made a fortune, and cant even go a month into his retirement before signing a contract to once again become an employee.

If you don’t mind me asking, Reader, (assuming anybody actually reads this) if you had a net worth of 512 million dollars, would you be actively seeking employment? seeking to have a boss dictate your life? Yeah I don’t think so. I sure as hell wouldn’t. No matter how cushy and high paying the gig was. If he wanted to talk about sports for fun, he could do his own thing, start a youtube channel. Play by his own rules. But no. That’s too laid back apparently. He needs to make 8 or 9 figures. Increase his already massive net worth.

And listen, I’m not even trying to hate on the guy, even if it sounds that way. None of this makes him a bad person. He is just an extreme person. The type of extreme person that is so damn competitive and obsessed with being the best, that he ends up as the greatest quarterback of all time. The type of person that want’s to swindle your money into buying his Tb12 products, and the type of person that wants a job when he already has a fortune. It’s just how he is wired. So if your reading this and your frustrated with the fact that your not actively “Achieving something” or “being productive” with your free time, and you would prefer to just relax, get high, play video games, eat a bunch Cheetos or whatever, don’t worry about it. There’s nothing wrong with you. Tom Brady probably wishes he could copy your unproductive behaviour. But he can’t. So be grateful that you can, and stop listening to close minded people that say you need to change into something your not. You don’t. It’s bullshit.

Random thoughts on tv show mad men

I have spent quite a bit of time lately watching the Tv series Mad men. I really enjoy it. I wish I could explain eloquently why I enjoy it so much. Perhaps I could talk about how I love the depth and development of it’s characters. Or the romantic portrayal of the era it represents. But trying to convince anybody those are the reasons just feels like I am trying to convince myself. I don’t know why I enjoy it so much. I just know I like watching it. It’s like the part of my brain that need’s rational explanations just turns off. Ah, good old mindless pleasure. can’t get enough of it, and always fighting myself to get less. I’m sure there is a perfect balance. Usually when I throw myself into an abundance of mindless pleasure, I stress about how unproductive I have been, and if I make more sacrifices to work more towards my goals I wonder why I am forcing myself to take so little pleasure from life. It feels like an evil cycle that ensures I never take any enjoyment from anything. Like I am always chasing something that stays a mile away no matter what direction I go. kind of like Don Draper, I suppose. (The main character of the show). Chasing woman, admiration from colleagues, love from those closest to him, a fresh start. Don chases pleasure from just about every source imaginable. And all of it just continues him on a endless cycle. Is that why I like the show so much? Because I can relate to the flaws of it’s main character? Sorry. I’m not sure that’s the reason either. Convincing you of that still feels like I am trying to convince myself. I guess I will give up. Perhaps the only explanation I need for why I like it so much is the fact that I like it so much. Works for me. Perhaps Don doesn’t know why he likes advertising so much either. Cant say I relate to Don on that one. That always did strike me though. Why would someone who is hopelessly chasing something never consider making a career change? I doubt it would have made a difference for him but you would figure he would at least try at some point. he made changes to all other aspects of his life. Whatever. I am going to go watch more mad men. Bye.

The NBA should give the players more incentive to compete in the all star game

I’m watching the NBA all star game right now as I’m writing this. It’s somewhat exciting. In comparison to other professional sport leagues version of the NBA all star game, it’s pretty good. For the most part they are able to play basketball similar to how they would if it was just a standard NBA game. With that said, the players clearly dont take it very seriously and you can tell based on their effort that both teams dont care a whole lot about actually winning the game. They constantly jack up low percentage deep threes, they dont compete for rebounds, and they put minimal to zero effort on defense. It’s still somewhat exciting to watch because it’s the worlds best basketball players all on the same court playing the game their the absolute best at. I think this game has a lot of potential. If the players actually took it seriously, and played with an urgency to win, it could be just as exciting to watch as the NBA finals. It would be the absolute highest level of competition possible in basketball. The amazing matchups that would you would see, the highest level of scoring , defense, rebounding all put on display on one court to decide which conference could put together the more effective team. I cant even imagine how exciting that would be. Seeing the elite of the elite of any sport all compete together is very rare in any sport. With the lack of physicality in todays NBA, the all star game could be played competitively with little risk of injury. NBA athletes play up to 82 games in the regular season alone, how much would they really be risking by competing hard for one more game? The level of excitement generated from this game actually being competitive, far negates any heightened risk of injury from one single game. Don’t get me wrong, I dont blame the players for not competing hard. That’s not what this is about. Why would the players want to risk injury for a game that means virtually nothing? The players clearly dont have any real incentive to compete hard in the all star game because they clearly dont compete hard in the all star game. They hand out a trophy and the winner gets money donated to their charity and all that, but its not enough. There’s a number of ways the NBA could provide more incentive for winning the all star game. The best way to do it, I think, would be to make the result of the all star game impact the ratio of home and away games between the east and west teams for the remainder of the regular season. If home court percentage between east and west teams is equal, make it so that the winning conference gets 75% of games played against the opposing conference to be played at home, for the second half of the season. You would want a potential increase or decrease in home games large enough to motivate players, but not enough to necessarily drastically impact the results of the season. Even players who aren’t on teams capable of competing in the playoff’s would have large incentive to want more home games. Less road games means less travel time, meaning more rest, more time with their families. This would have an impact on every single player that participates in the all star game. And for for players on the top NBA teams, it would provide an edge in who has home court advantage in the finals due to the advantage their conference would have in the regular season against teams of the opposing conference. The NBA all star game is cool, but it’s not exciting because it’s not competitive. It’s like watching the best boxers in the world casually spar versus actually fight. It’s more of a scrimmage than an actual game. This proposal might seem drastic, but I am sick of seeing a game with so much potential be so disappointing. The entire point of professional sports is to be exciting, make the all star game more exciting. Make the players want to compete.